St. Patty's Day Miracle

It's a miracle that I can even write on this St. Patty's day. Fun has been had by all and will continue to be had for the rest of the night. It is quite literally impossible for it not to happen. Tonight's beverages are the very non-Irish Miller High Life, Stella Artois, and Crown Royal. Listening to the Dropkick Murphys and Floggin Molly are a tradition for most college students on St. Patrick's Day, which my assistants and I are taking very seriously.

So what is the meal? A fancy chicken cutlet salad, if there is such a thing. It's about time that I started to lose some mass, so salads are a daily thing. This salad is so easy that it could be done anytime you like, stored away and taken out of the freezer, practically anytime you want. So lets get started.

Ingredients:
chicken breasts
olive oil
2 eggs
bread crumbs
salad of choice
Parmesan cheese
Tofu cous


Step 1:
The first step is to cook the chicken cutlets. Put the eggs and bread crumbs in separate bowls. Pound the chicken breasts into flat pieces. Lay them in the egg, then the bread crumbs.

Step 2:
Place a skillet onto the oven with medium heat. Place each chicken breast on the pan after the breading process is complete

Step 3:
Prepare each plate while the chicken is cooking. Make sure that the chicken is flipped every two minutes, or until each side is golden brown.

Step 4:
Place the tofu cous on top of the salad.

Step 5:
When the chicken is done cooking place it in a separate pan or dish, and cut it into bite sized pieces. Place the chicken on top

Step 6:
Sprinkle some Parmesan cheese on top of the salad and enjoy!

The Healthiest Damn Salad I Could Eat

Is it really that hard to eat healthy every day? Yes, it indubitably is. God, do I hate eating a salad. Cultivating a six pack only happens in a veggie garden, not a beef garden. Unless you are some freak of nature, like I wish I was.

A ketogenic diet (low carb, high protein) is perfectly possible, but not as easy to do as stuffing your face with Mcdonalds every day, as the majority of America, if not the world has begun to do. Personally I do keto when I am on a cut, and eat whatever I want when I am on a bulk. Even though I'm on a bulk right now, this meal is very ketogenic, so I'll probably eat a metric ton of it.

This chicken salad is crazy healthy. So healthy I don't even want to eat it, but I will anyway for my readers. Because I have to do this heinous crime to my body, I shall make it as delicious as possible. It's just too bad my shipment of 521 BBQ sauce hasn't come in yet. Nectar of the South Carolina BBQ gods. Instead, I will be getting sauced on some low calorie liquor.

As most drunks on a diet will tell you, clear alcohols have less calories. Here are some general comparisons of calories per alcoholic beverage. Liquor 1.5oz = Wine 5oz = Light Beer 12oz = Beer 4oz. So tonight, I choose my trusty friend vodka to get the job done.

Ingredients:
Dark Leafy Greens
Veggies of Choice
Herbs/Spices
Chicken Breasts

Step 1.
Boil that chicken like nobody's business. Boiling is one of the healthiest ways of preparing chicken, and it is easy to shred into tiny pieces for a salad. Fill a pot just high enough to put the breasts in, but not let the fat boil over. For my pot, it's about two inches of water.

Step 2.
While you are boiling the chicken you can toss the greens and the veggies. Some people like to steam or grill their veggies, but I eat them raw to preserve the nutritional value.

Step 3.
When the  chicken is done, rub some of your herbs and spices in it. I personally use thyme, basil leaves and a little cayenne.

Step 4.
Combine and enjoy!